


New Years Resolution

by fightingchance (cxddlecalum)



Category: One Direction
Genre: 5sos are in this, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Don't read these tags, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hes not sad, I'm not tagging the side pairings bc EFFORT, LITERALLY, Louis has past shitty relationships, M/M, Major Slow Burn, Most of the time, Multi, Recreational Drug Use, So much angst, This is set on the uk so it's okay, Typos, Underage Drinking, and origionals, and they are easy to write in, but is kind of functioning, bye, dont eat me, harry has anxiety, i ate myself, i don't want to give stuff away, i lost track sometimes, idk how to tag, im bad at tagging, im only posting now as motivation to get my ass in gear, it goes wrong, ive been writing this for over a year, just bc I needed characters, like really bad, loads of side pairings, need to finish this, probably, so many characters - Freeform, so much happens but I don't want to give it away, the worse, then gets good, underage sex but only if ur American???, want to finish it, year fic, you probably will too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-13 20:56:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5716804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cxddlecalum/pseuds/fightingchance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I'll try my best,” Louis sighs feeling slightly defeated after what felt like an entire conversation consisting just of looks and small hand gestures, “you know I would never intentionally hurt anyone, I’m not that guy Cal. Have a little more faith in me, I won’t hurt him, or, I won’t hurt him on purpose.”</p><p>Or</p><p>The one where Harry has really bad anxiety and Louis is determined to make him his, even if it takes him all year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So. I actually can't believe I'm finally posting this, the idea for this story has been with me for almost three years, this started off as a really shitty jalex FIC on mibba that I never finished but the idea and story line stayed with me. I couldn't get it out my head and always knew I wanted to write it. As I changed so did this story, and so did its pairing. 
> 
> This work will be ideally 14 Chapters, A prologue, a chapter for each month of the year, and an epilogue. The chapters will be long, probably ranging between 9000 and 15000 words each. Some may even have to be split into two parts, I don't know yet. I've been writing and planning this version of this fic for almost a year, I do not have all the chapters written but I honestly do not think I could plan it into any more detail. 
> 
> I don't know how long this will take me to complete, I really don't and I apologise in advance if I'm shit. I'm probably going to be shit. Im balancing writing this with university and a 8am-8pm job (only 3 days a week but still) but I feel like now is right, now is the right time to finally put this out there. It's been sitting in my google docs far far too long. 
> 
> I'm ready, I hope you are too.

PROLOGUE

Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson have no idea who the other is, they have never met, nor have they ever heard of each other. They are two people, living completely different lives, with completely different people, bar one overlap of course. Michael Clifford is one of Harry's best friends, and it just so happened that Michael’s boyfriend Calum, is one of Louis'. It also just so happens that the loving couple had decided it was time for their friends to meet.

Both guys had reasonably big groups of friends, Harry and Michael's group had eleven of them, they had at one point been two separate groups of friends who had somehow just combined over time becoming one. Louis and Calum's group was larger by three heads, was fairly similar, three groups that had merged. They go to different schools in the same town, and it was just luck that had brought Michael and Calum together. They had met in the crowd at a concert and it was all quite romantic from there on out.

It was New Year’s Eve and Calum had been bugging his boyfriend for weeks to have a party before he had finally agreed. They decided that they wanted it to be just their two groups of friends and really, twenty five people was more than enough for a party, especially when both groups just so happened to be filled with people who really enjoyed to party.

Louis Tomlinson is known at his school, he’s known for his confidence, for his attitude and his ability to get anyone to sleep with him. He’s never had any issues with himself; he has always been loud, outgoing and very confident, almost over confident. People had at one point speculated that he might have been, you know, compensating, but now that he has slept with half the student body, they know that that’s definitely not the truth. He has just never seen any reason not to be confident in himself, he firmly believes that confidence is the key to success, if you are confident in yourself and see yourself in a positive light other people will as well. As long as you’re not an asshole about it, which yeah Louis could be sometimes, it didn't really matter did it? And it wasn't too much of an issue considering he was also the most caring and wonderful human beings. If Louis cared about you, then he fucking cared, the people he cares about are his everything.

Harry Styles is pretty much the complete opposite, unless you know him well enough of course. Harry's shy, painfully shy, put him in any kind of social situation or put him under any type of pressure and he will freeze up. He freezes and stutters when he called on in class even if he 100% knows the answer, try and introduce him to new people and he will completely freeze, and not just in a not know what to say kind of way, but in a way where he literally can’t speak, where he just can’t form words or coherent thoughts other than self-doubt and pure fear. Then of course there is the fact that he just does not understand basic social 'protocols', he is like a child in that way. The way other people just seem to know how to act and what to say and when to say what and what to say to who and when not to say anything but Harry just doesn't, he doesn't get it the way other people seem to so naturally. He is constantly saying or doing the wrong thing that sometimes he just thinks it would be better off if he never spoke at all. It’s quite hilarious however, that once you break through his initial shell of anxiety fuelled insecurity, Harry is one of the loudest, funniest most sarcastic people you could ever meet, even though he still says things totally wrong and does the totally wrong things his friends understand, they just laugh with him (never at him), and tell him after so he knows for the next inevitable situation. Dick jokes and the immaturity that comes hand in hand are his forte, much in the way they were Louis'. Louis was just much less blasé about his.

The two arrive at the party separately, Harry arriving with the Girls And Gays of his group as they were dubbed after their first ‘girl’s night in’ around nine, most of Calum's friends had already arrived, and the rest of his own group of friends were already there. Harry of course had been getting his pre-drink on was already quite tipsy. He had somehow in the space of just over two hours consumed an entire bottle of wine to himself, plus a few shots with Josh and Cara, well, for the shits and giggles really. 

Louis arrives about an hour later, the very last person to stroll in as he had been held up at home, his family always threw a new year’s party and was always forced to attend for at least a few hours, the only positive was the fact his parents weren’t bothered about him drinking, they knew he was responsible enough. Therefore, when he strolled in just before ten pm; he himself was probably just as drunk as the rest of the party goers. When he arrived there was music blasting from an impressive sound system, a random playlist that had a mixture of all types of music on it, random pop punk songs mixing with radio shit that was just amazing to dance to. He was impressed; Michael definitely knew how to throw a party (of course Harry already knew this, having attended many before this one).

Louis smirked when his eyes landed on Harry for the first time, he had found his conquest of the night, he moves through the crowd of people saying hi to everyone he knew and introducing himself to everyone he didn’t to get to the kitchen in hopes of finding a cup. He had brought his own drink; that was just the way things were done, everyone brings something and then everyone shares, it was the cheapest and easiest way to throw a great party. On his way he purposely ignores the guy that had caught his eye, wanting to properly introduce himself.  
Unfortunately, by the time he returned from the kitchen, a drinking game had begun and Harry had gotten involved, Louis quickly slides in between his friends Dan and Tami who were also playing, Tami gives him a slap as he almost spills his drink on her but then laughs and hugs him. It doesn’t take Louis long to figure out the game, it’s pretty damn simple, there is a squishy dice in the middle, each side with a different instruction on it, things like make out, cuddle, tickle, kiss, peck and your choice on each side of it. Someone rolls the dice and then spins the bottle and whatever lands up on the dice they have to do with the person the bottle lands on and pretty much if the person pussies out they have to take a shot and so far nobody has taken any, but they were all drinking away at beers or some other beverage from a plastic cup anyway. They play for a while, Louis getting to tickle the shit out of some girl called Anna he has never met in his life, gets to sit back and enjoy Tami and some Sarah girl make out right beside him and his friend Luke make out with a guy called Ashton, by choice as well.

Harry is pleasantly drunk, he’s aware of his level of inebriation but he doesn’t care, he is having the time of his life, he never does this, he doesn’t let himself go like this (particularly around people he has never met before) but he is really fucking enjoying himself. He has spoken to so many people he doesn’t know and hasn’t felt like he was going to puke with nervousness, and now he is playing a game. Harry just doesn’t do these things, or maybe he does he just hasn’t had the confidence to do them before. He’s sure he’s spoken to everyone at the party bar one individual, this Louis kid who had joined their game late, Harry was 100% sure that he had felt Louis' eyes on him from the second he had come in, late, which seemed to be a running theme with him.

Its Harry's turn to roll the dice and spin the bottle, the dice lands awkwardly rolling along the carpet between them before it settles on make out, everyone “ooo’s” softly around him and he laughs making some comment on how the bottle had better land on a guy, everyone laughs at him, not a single one caring about his sexuality, that’s just the type of people they were, and at least half of the ten people playing the game weren’t exactly straight either. Louis couldn’t help but pray to any deity that may be listening that the bottle land on him as Harry reaches forward and spins the bottle, it was a good spin, it stayed pretty much solidly in place going round for at least thirty seconds before it even began to slow, everyone was watching patiently and giggling randomly, Harry however was just looking smug. When the bottle finally settled it did indeed settle on Louis (who sends out a silent thank you).

Everyone once again “oo’d” and Tami makes some sassy remark about how hot it was going to be, everyone laughs as they remembered the Tami/Sarah make out which had occurred. Harry shrugs, a small smile playing at his lips as he watches Louis own smug grin get even wider. Louis practically crawls over to Harry, being far too lazy (and properly too drunk) to stand and walk across the small circle, once he reached the younger boy he situates himself right in Harry's lap, his knees bent on either side of the boy. He just stays sat there waiting for Harry to make the first move, his hands however were already running along Harry's chest and up running his fingers along the curly hairs boys jaw and the back down, it was hot.

Harry was kind of in shock, he hadn’t expected Louis to seem as into what they were gonna do as he appeared to be, it wore off however when Niall announced that they were gonna have a five minute time limit because it seemed like they were gonna need it if the game was to actually carry on. Once again drunken laughter erupted from within the circle, Louis and Harry joining in briefly before Harry simply shrugs and leans in catching Louis lips with his own.

Louis kisses back immediately, pushing his tongue against Harry's lips, Louis was clearly dominant and he didn't care who he was with it's just the way he is, even if he wasn’t topping, which he didn’t always, he liked being in control. Harry lets Louis lead the kiss but still holds his own; he kisses Louis back with as much fierceness and passion as he was kissed with, just letting Louis lead. Harry decides that he wants to feel more of the gorgeous boy sitting in his lap, he pushed his body forward a little so he wasn’t leaning backwards and manoeuvres his hands which had been flat on the ground behind him to Louis' lower back, he slipped three of his fingers under the waistband of Louis' jeans, not moving them, simply resting them there, the other going farther down to cup the back of one of Louis’s thighs, as high as it could be without it being on his bum. Louis moved his own hands, moving them to either side of Harry's head, tangling both in his hair, pulling the younger closer to him.

They both knew that their five minutes were long gone, they both also knew that all of their friends who had been playing them game with them had disappeared and they both also knew that this wasn’t going to stop at kissing. There was no objection from Harry when Louis pulled away from the kiss and suggested the moved to a bedroom upstairs. Of course there wasn’t, Harry was drunk, he was drunk and turned on and Louis was hot as fuck. Why would he say no?

Within minutes the two are naked on a bed, they are not quite sure whose but they don’t care and the door is closed with a sock on the handle. Harry is on his back knees bent, feet flat against the mattress while Louis is on his knees between Harry's legs. Louis is kissing down Harry's body leaving marks as he goes; they are both fully hard already from the dirty making out and grinding that had happened so publicly downstairs. Eventually, after Harry practically begs him to do something Louis takes Harry in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the head making Harry buck up forcing more of him into Louis mouth, Louis takes all he can eagerly.

In minutes Louis has the younger boy beneath him panting and moaning and cursing as he bobs his head almost impossibly fast and with no rhythm, keeping Harry surprised. He tugs on Louis hair, pulling him up and kissing him hard on the lips, it’s all tongue and teeth and really fucking hot. Louis pulls away from the kiss signalling for Harry to wait, he gets up from the bed, finding his jeans and pulls out a small bottle of lube and a condom before crawling back up the bed, biting on Harry's neck.

“Are you clean?” the question is directed at Louis from Harry and takes the elder of the two by surprise, “just cause, if you are the condom isn’t necessary.” Louis feels his cock twitch at the words, quickly assuring Harry that he in fact clean.

All their movements are drunk and sloppy; there is a lot of giggling and hushing, even though nobody would be able to hear them over the music. They bang heads a few times by accident, just making them laugh even more. Eventually Louis has Harry stretched enough, the younger of two reassuring him through his moans and giggles that he should hurry the fuck up.

Louis double checks that Harry is okay without a condom, earning him a light slap to the side of the head and another ‘hurry the fuck up and get in me’, Louis laughs and fakes a pout, but slams into Harry nonetheless, catching the younger by surprise, making him moan and his hips buck. The movement makes both of them moan loudly, Harry wraps his arms around Louis as the elder pounds into him sloppily, they are still giggling drunkenly, laughing at each other as they just laugh more, laughs being broken by moans and cusses.

It’s not long before they are both coming undone; Louis hand wrapped around Harry’s cock as he continues thrusting deep and hard and fast into the younger. They come pretty much simultaneously, moans of the others names on their lips as they peak, sighing in content when the highs pass.

They lay beside each other for a while, basking in the moment. They are far too lazy to get up and put clothes on, so they decide just to stay, lying in each other’s arms, its silent for a while, before Harry laughs, pointing at a poster which had obviously been pulled from a magazine. It’s of Fall Out Boy, but they are dressed up as girls, pouting in what can only be called a classic duck face, Louis looks where he is pointing, bursting out laughing as well, before making some comment about how Pete makes a fantastic girl. This of course leads to an excessive discussion about music in general, the still drunken teenagers laughing at nothing and everything.

Neither knows how long they had been lying there for but it feels like minutes before they hear a loud shout of 10, 9, 8, as the countdown to the New Year begins. Louis can’t help but think that he could get used to this, lying with the younger boy he had only just met in his arms, small kisses and giggles being shared as they talk about nothing yet everything. It’s a split second decision but Louis can’t help it, Harry will be his, that’s his new year’s resolution, he doesn't care if it takes all year, he will make Harry his own.


	2. January

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone themselves, or knows anyone who would be interested in possibly being beta for this story then please hmu im getting a bit desperate 
> 
> ALSO 
> 
> ive never written a story that hard art to go with it and if i could draw i would totally have drawn certain scenes ive written throughout this yeah if anyone themselves or knows anyone who would be interested in doing art work for this that would also be fucking awesome

JANUARY

When Harry walked into school on the seventh of January the only thing on his mind was how little he actually wanted to be there, he wasn’t even thinking about New Year’s Eve, nope, not at all, why would he be? It was an unimportant and probably pretty shit hook up considering how drunk they were (except it wasn’t). He may or may not have been slightly fixated upon it for a few days immediately after (he was) and maybe he had considered the fact that they had actually gone to sleep _cuddling_ in a little bit more detail than could be considered reasonable (he had) but he had every reason to do so (or so he told himself), this was a new concept to Harry, he had never been in a relationship so any time he had slept with someone it had been purely for the reason of getting off. The affection suggested through cuddling had messed with Harry's head. But, apart from that, no, he totally wasn’t thinking about Louis. Not at all.

He was not thinking about his perfect body, the way their bodies had felt pressed together, how it was obvious Louis knew exactly what he was doing, the way Louis’ hands had felt on his body. He wasn’t thinking about Louis' good taste in music, he wasn’t thinking about his beautiful brown eyes and he totally wasn’t considering asking Mikey to get him Louis’ number. Never. Nope, totally not.

Of course, all his friends were though, it was the talking point of their group, Harry; shy, adorable Harry had fucked someone he had only known for the night. This was big news, this was very important news so of course they had made it their mission to find out _absolutely everything_ they could about the awkward boy’s not-so-awkward New Year’s Eve.

Ed was first, of course he was, the rest had been relatively reserved about their burning curiosity (minus the endless giggles and stared and winks and suggestive smirks obviously), Ed didn’t give a single shit however and prove it as the second Harry sat down at the table for his lunch his nonchalant friend had asked “so you got fucked nice and hard on New Year’s eh? Eh?” while raising his eyebrows in a way that is just so _Ed_ and nudging Harry with his shoulder. The shy boy immediately turned the colour of a tomato and choked on the slice of pizza he had just bitten into, everyone else of course had burst out laughing at the younger’s misfortune. It was only when Anna slapped him on the back did he finally stop choking.

"For fucks sake Ed you can't just say something like that!" Harry practically yelled at the boy next to him.

"Well I just did fuck face and stop avoiding the question!" Was the reply provided.

"I well, fuck it. Yup, I got fucked and it was fucking great, he was fucking great. Is that what you wanted to hear?" Harry replied smirking at the memory.

"Oh my god" Michael exclaimed after a moments silence and that was really all it took for the entire table to burst out laughing once more. Harry included. They were all in a bit of shock, even around them Harry was rarely that blunt or outgoing.

"What about you guys? Any of you get some?" Harry retorted once the laughter and exclamations finally died down. It was Ashton's turns to blush and look down.

"OH IRWIN GETTING SOMEEEEEEE" Cara yelled causing a few heads to turn in their direction, it didn't last long however as everyone was pretty used to the loud and obnoxious antics of their group.

"Shut up" Ashton says, shaking his curls infringement of his face a little trying to hide the way his cheeks had turned the same colour as the red bandana he was wearing, making them all giggle.

"This is so unfair; you guys are sweeping up all the dudes, their needs to be less gays in our group, there aren’t enough guys for the girls." Sarah whined at Jon and Perrie who just laughed and patted their friend on the back.

“Sarah shut up do you even like dick?” Niall shot back at her smiling,

“i don't fucking know!” sarah exclaimed dramatically flopping down onto the table, laughing but pretending to be crying. those who had heard started laughing as well, this was pretty normal for them.

That was how the rest of the day went on, the party being the main source of conversation and amusement for the group. Harry didn't mind all that much if he was honest, it gave him a valid reason to think about it, because again, being honest, he had definitely been thinking about it.

 

~*~ 

Louis day was very similar, however it wasn't his sexual encounter at the party that was the talking point of his group - it was Luke's.

Luke and Hannah had just broken up about two weeks before; it was she that had ended it, claiming she just wasn't feeling it anymore. Things had been very awkward within the group for the first day or so before Liam had had enough, basically shouting at the pair at lunch one day that it wasn't fair. The group of friends had a pretty strong understanding that if you got in a relationship with someone in the group and it ended it was not allowed to affect the group as a whole. Since then the blond boy had been suffering in silence (not really thought because Louis had been over at his house multiple times already armed with ice cream and vodka or some not so illicit drugs; Zayn and Calum had somehow _always_ managed to tag along on those particular nights and Leah was with him basically every second of every day for the first week – se no, he was really not suffering in silence nor was he alone).

"You're not just using him as a rebound are you?" Zayn asked him, Dan adding his piece as well, "I know you have been texting him since the party."

Luke's eyes of course drifted to Hannah who was busy having her own conversation with Leah (fucking traitor (not really)) and Stan. "I don't know, he's pretty chill, I don't want a relationship and he's a good fuck. I don't see why I can't have fun with him."

"Does he know this? Does he know there are no strings attached or are you just leading him on?" Sandy pressed.

"Uh, no, he doesn't know as such, it's never come up!" Luke tries defending himself,

"That's really fucking shitty mate," Louis said, he had stayed quiet, knowing that he himself had had many one night stands and many fuck buddies as results, but they had always been mutual, "Ashton is a really cool guy, he works in that record store down the road from me, I've spoken to him a few times even before the party. Think about what you are doing."

"What about you then, see anything happening with whatshisface?" Sophia asked from her seat beside him.

"Harry, his name's Harry," Louis sighed, "And well, if I have it my way he'll be my boyfriend in no time."

"Oh yeah cum slut? And how do you plan on doing that?" Tami asks, having only just arrived at the table, completely missing the entire Luke/Ashton discussion (which was probably a good thing – she’s feisty and had been fucked over one too many times for anyone’s liking (especially Louis’)).

"Hey to you too bitch tits," Louis replied, the others rolling their eyes at the best friends antics, it was their thing, offending each other, "but back to the important things”, like Harry’s fabulous ass, Louis added in his mind “we actually got along really well, along with him being a fabulous fuck of course, and well, the same way you would anyone, keep talking to him and hanging out and asking him out of course."

"Well you don't have his number, I'm sure you've not added him on Facebook, if you'd managed to find his twitter or Tumblr I would be very impressed, but you are a fucking creeper so I wouldn't be all the surprised." she shoots back not backing down, she wants to gauge how serious her best friend really is about this guy before it goes further and she starts passing around her advice or judgments.

Louis just smirks at her, turning to Calum who had been on his phone half paying attention, "yo, Cal stop sexting Michael" of course Calum blushes because that _exactly_ what he was doing, “do you have Harry's number? I know you have hung with them and him before.

"Uh- yeah maybe," the flustered tan boy replies, "here." He hands Louis his phone, praying Michael doesn't reply to him at that particular moment. Of course his luck chose to run out and Louis laughs loudly while typing Harry's number into his phone. "Sounds like you're gonna have a great night tonight _princess_ " Louis laughs sending a wink Calum's way laughing even harder when the phone is whisked from his hand. It takes everyone else at the table to understand what Louis was saying but once they recovered from the initial shock the table burst into hysterics. Of course most of them knew that Calum was exceptionally kinky (they may or may not have thought he was being abused when he and Michael finally started sleeping together – sorry but bruises around the neck and wrists? What else were they to think?) But the group in general were fans of publically embarrassing each other and it had been far too long since Calum had been the victim, and if he may so himself Louis had done so in a spectacular manor.

Once the laughter dies down Louis deliberates sending Harry a text now or waiting until he gets home, so he'll be away from his nosey friends and Harry would be too. He decides it's better to wait, this way he can think about what he is going to say. He hears the conversation switching to their weekend plans, Friday was Zayn’s birthday, first one of the year, it had to be good, and it would set the tone for the rest of the week. The conversation switches from location (Liam’s he has the entire bottom/basement floor of his house to himself), alcohol provider (Calum's older sister; as always god bless Mali-Koa Hood), food (pizza) to weather Michael’s Friends should be invited. Zayn was all for it (he shot Louis a smirk as he voiced his opinion, mouthing “Perrie” at him once the group had pounced on what he said, Louis winked back at him, he and Luke weren’t the only ones who had gotten lucky at NYE). Eventually they settled on taking it to a vote, there was a few in the group who would prefer it just be their group, and even though it was Zayn’s birthday it had to be a group decision, so they voted, and so it was decided, they are all invited. Louis couldn’t really hold back his grin fro the rest of the day.

The day passes quickly for both boys, both anxious to get home, for different reasons of course. Louis couldn’t wait to text Harry, and well Harry, Harry just wanted to get the fuck out of school as soon as he possibly could, and he really fucking hates that place.

Louis of course had football practice after school; he was captain of the team which even though the team itself wasn't taken that seriously was still very important to him. They only had training once a week and a game every two or three weeks. Sport wasn't a major thing at their school, yeah they had the footy team and a volleyball team that did pretty well but that was really it, he thinks that their might have also been a lacrosse team and they might have tried to start a basketball team (he may have heard murmurs that only seven people had turned up to the first practice). People didn't show up in hoards to watch their matches, home or away, they didn't have cheerleaders, heck they didn't even have stands by the pitch at the back or the school (if people came to watch they just stood on the sidelines and tried not to get hit by balls gone astray). None of this matters though, Louis absolutely adores the game and he is a bloody good player, he has skill (enough that he actually also plays for an under 18's team out of school which he was also captain of) and had been scouted by the Doncaster Rovers pro youth team but had been dubbed too old to bring in to start training considering was already 16 turning 17 at the time (they had however said that if once he turned 18 he had improved to a level he would have achieved had he trained with them they would bring him in to train on their under 21’s reserve squad). His under 18's out of school club had training two or three times a week (depending if it was a game week or not) and a game every second Sunday, it was a lot to take on but Louis knew it would be worth it when he turned 18.

Practice was fun; Calum, Dan and Liam were all on the school team as well (Calum played for a pro youth team already (as well as the under 18’s team Louis also played for, having been scouted when he was just 14 the lucky bastard - he had tried to put a good word in for Louis at his team but once again, "too old" and "past prime training opportunity" had pretty much been the general consensus), so they would normally just piss about and actually just enjoy playing. The rest of the guys on the team were all cool but were not Louis' close friends, that’s not how their school worked, the whole football team didn't sit together every day or not have friends outside of the team, in fact some of them didn't even class the others as more than just teammates.

In the changing room before practice Louis is cornered by Calum, Calum really was Louis' best friend, they had known each other for years and years, since they could kick a ball in all honesty, and knew more about each other than anyone else. Louis knew this was coming, he had been anticipating (and avoiding) it since New Year's Day.

"So," Calum starts, he's leaning against the wall beside Louis, fully dressed in his gear, while the sandy haired boy is still going through the motions of socks, shin pads, football socks, boots, "Harry?"

"What about him Calum?" Louis asks through gritted teeth, he isn't annoyed at Calum for asking really, he just doesn't want to be having the conversation period.

"Don't hurt him, Michael’s one of his best friends, they've known each other almost as long as we’ve known each other. Harry is a really nice guy, but he isn't like everyone else, it's not my place to talk about it but just," he pauses, shaking his head a little, a small and fine smile playing at the comers of his mouth, "be careful Louis, don't push him, don't hurt him."

"I know I've only had like one conversation with him but, I don't know bro, we just clicked, he's funny and sweet and fucking beautiful. I want to get to know him, I've never had that before, and you know that. I never want to get to know _people;_ just their bodies” he pauses giving Calum a look that to anyone else would just be a pointed look but to Calum screams _you know why_ , and Calum nods, because he does know. Louis isn’t an ass hole, it probably sounds like it, but he never leads anyone on, everyone knows if you’re getting involved with Louis sexually that’s all it’s going to be, simple.  “I'll try my best,” Louis sighs eventually after what felt like an entire conversation consisting just of looks and small hand gestures, “you know I would never intentionally hurt anyone, I’m not that guy Cal. Have a little more faith in me, I won’t hurt him, or, I won’t hurt him on purpose.”

They walk out onto the field together, somehow still among the first few to grace their coaches presence, Louis can't help but think that that wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been, Calum may be a princess in bed but he could be fucking scary when he wanted to be, it was the eyes, when he was angry (or turned on – but Louis could never look at his best friend like that – well apart from that one time two years ago when they were _extremely_ intoxicated and he had given Calum one of the worst blow jobs ever) his eyes went almost completely black. Fucking creepy right? Louis is pulled from his thoughts as the coach calls everyone in, right, captain; he actually has to do something.

The day's practice is gruelling, it’s pissing it down making the pitch muddy and prime for epic slips (and horrendous uniforms that any and all mums noses’ would turn up at). Winter break had just past, meaning the guys (apart from Louis and Calum who really could _not_ afford the luxury or letting themselves go even the tiniest bit ever) were feeling lazy and a bit out of shape after Christmas and exams, so their coach pushed them harder than he normally would, just to try and whip them back into shape and show them that he wasn't going easy on them. It was kind of hilarious considering their coach was actually also their 57 year old Modern Studies teacher who in his youth had played pro-youth and then never gone further.  It always felt like he was projecting his own failures as a boy onto the team (especially Calum and Louis).

Once practice is over and Louis has apologised profusely to Mrs Hood ( _for gods sake Louis call me Joy! You even used to call me Auntie Joy when you were twelve so I don’t know why you’ve suddenly grown manners but it makes me feel old!_ ) For how badly he smelled and the possible mud transfer that would occur throughout the entire car ride to his home Louis can finally relax. He can shower, eat a sandwich and relax. And text Harry.  Yes, he can text Harry, the beautiful wonderful boy he had spent New Year's Eve with.

Unfortunately for Louis the second he stepped inside his house he was ambushed with the smell of freshly baked everything’s, there was cinnamon, chocolate, strawberry and everything in between. Of course, any sane human being would be ecstatic about smelling such delicious and wonderful things, but Louis knew this meant only one thing: they had Visitors. The Tomlinson's were a pretty wealthy family, his step-dad was an accountant for Hilton Hotels and was pretty high in their food chain which means if they had visitors that his mum was cooking such delicious treats in anticipation or for already then they would have without a doubt been associates of his step-dads.

“Mum, I’m home!” he calls into the house, maybe they aren’t there yet and he can escape upstairs and then say he has too much homework and maybe he won't have to pretend to be something he’s really not for the entire night (its was mentally fucking exhausting okay?)

“We’re in the lounge love,” his mum calls back, “how bad do you smell? And remember to take your boots off on the patio; I will not have you trailing mud through this house again!” Louis hears muttered words following her reply, he catches “our son” and “football” and “amazing potential” and “washing uniforms” among them and then laughter from maybe three or four different people, Louis can’t help the smile that crosses his face, he loves his mum so much it hurts sometimes.

“It was raining mum so I’m really muddy, don’t worry I’ve taken my boots and socks off, but I probably don’t smell too awful” he replies, he puts his bags down on the floor at the bottoms of the stairs and makes his way into the lounge. There are three very important and official looking men taking up most of the couch space while his dad resides in his usual arm chair next to and facing them, his mother is standing, an assortment of nuts, crackers cheese and fruit on a platter in her hands, there was chair set beside her husband's seat that was clearly for her. They are all wearing perfectly tailored suits, with pocket handkerchiefs and have grey speckled hair and weather worn faces, worry lines crossing their foreheads like maps of their lives, creases at their eyes from laughing and one even had dimples when he smiled. They actually looked like very pleasant men, and Louis was sure they were (why wouldn’t they be? Just because they were big bad businessmen didn’t really mean they were big and bad) if only he wasn’t going to have to spend the rest of his night (after he showered and checked in on his sisters and made sure he didn’t have too much homework that he couldn’t quickly finish later) faking it and making up lies and really just being what he sometimes thinks his parents want him to be, rather than himself.  He introduced himself to the three men, politely shaking their hands and laughing at their jokes, he has a brief conversation with dimples about the Derby at the weekend before excusing himself to shower, cracking a truly awful joke about how he really is doing them a favour (they laugh anyway and Louis cringes his way upstairs.

Louis has four younger sisters who he loves with all his heart, Charlotte (15), Felicity (13) and The Twins, Phoebe and Daisy (9), who would also have to spend some time with The Visitors before Fizz was put in charge of the twins for a few hours (make them a snack, make them do their homework etc) and Lottie was picked up by her friends mum for dancing, leaving the 'adults' to have proper conversations, yes at 17 his parents liked to involve Louis in these conversations, believing maturity looked good (it does).

He understands why, it makes his parents (particularly his step-dad) look good if he was an involved member of the family. Not that he wasn’t normally, but you know what normal teenager doesn’t run straight to their bedroom (stopping at the fridge first of course) when they get in from school to wind down and do absolute fuck all for an hour (or play with his absolutely adorable sisters) before the inevitable homework and/or chore related nagging from their parents begins? Of course he spoke to his family when they had dinner or later on in the night when the would sit and watch Game of Thrones or The Following or Hannibal together (personal family favourites) or whatever other series was on that night (they were a very TV enthusiastic family – don’t get his mum started on the How I Met Your Mother finale she will yell or cry.)

So yes Louis loves his family to pieces and loves spending time with them, but well, things were quite different when around an associate. He had to pretty much outright lie when asked about his future (who the fuck knows), had he thought about what Universities he wanted to apply to yet? (none Louis really wanted to pursue football of course), how he enjoyed school (who the fuck actually _enjoys_ school) etc. etc. Basically Louis kinda hated it, he knew it was good for his step-dad’s sake but he hated that he had to lie, he hated that his parents wanted him to pretend to be something he’s not for these strangers sake. It made him feel like they were ashamed of him, which he knew was a lie considering it was his step father who had played football with him for hours in their garden and always encouraged him. His mum is the one who also always reassured him that he is a good player and that he could make it if he really put his mind to it and of course that made him love them all the more. However, the fact that they wish him not to be himself around these people makes him feel small; makes him feel like they aren’t actually as proud of him as they make out to be. He knows it’s illogical but even the happy go lucky Louis Tomlinson gets insecure sometimes.

Of course, his mum’s peanut butter and chocolate cheesecake was to die for and pretty much made up for it considering she always made extra which he would take to school tomorrow and allow his friends to fight over (after he’d taken approximately three slices for himself of course) making him either someone’s favourite or least favourite person of the day. It was always kinda hilarious to watch.

Harry had returned home to none of that, his mother and step-dad both out at work. They weren’t those kind of parents though, they weren’t _never_ home, his mom just worked until around six but was always home for dinner. His step-dad (Robin) however worked two jobs, he had his own business, he was an independent event videographer, filming and editing weddings, birthdays, communions, and bar-mitzvah, whatever. He absolutely loved his business, he loved watching people looking so happy through the screen, he loved being able to capture moments of pure joy and love, however, it wasn’t quite enough anymore. His second job was driving a cab, meaning he was out late most nights, he would either go out very early in the morning and be out until around five in the afternoon and then home at nights and go to bed at around half eleven/midnight, or he would sleep until mid-morning, go out at around two pm and not come home until the small hours of the morning. It was not unusual for Harry to not see him for a couple of days, just by coincidence, if Harry was working at night his Robin was home, when Harry was home and Robin was out.

They weren’t poor, far from it in fact, they have a nice house in a nice area, they have luxuries, but they all come with a cost, they can’t just buy whatever they want and in the recent economy with inflation and all that shit Harry really knows nothing about, the second job was needed for them to afford the luxuries they did have. Harry thinks that this is the best possible way to be, to be comfortable enough to afford luxuries but not to just get them whenever they are wanted because this way Harry had grown up and learnt how to appreciate them more. His iPod touch and laptop mean more to him than anything because he knows his mum and Robin went out of their way to afford them. That’s why he has two part time jobs. He hates asking his parents for money, even though both his jobs unfortunately involve working with the public he has just learnt to man up and deal with people, being painfully awkward but knowing it’s for a good cause.

This meant that when Harry walked into his house it was empty; his older sister was away at university and only came home during breaks or for special occasions. This for Harry was a positive and a negative, he loved being alone, yet was slightly terrified of it at the same time. More often than not he would have a friend over after school, which he would usually just do nothing with until his mum came home and he would help her with dinner. He really does love being alone, he loves solitude, he loves being able to be alone with his thoughts, totally undisturbed and uninterrupted. On the other hand however, he sometimes ends up over thinking and working himself into a complete panic that results in him either tearing his room apart or crying down the phone to one of his friends. He never really knows why or what thought in particular triggers his attacks but they happen, far more often than he could ever want them to. He can work himself into a state over the stupidest things like homework, or having plans with his friends and he hates it.

Tonight is a lucky night for him, he had had a good day, nothing too stressful or anxiety inducing had happened so he manages to remain calm all night, settling in to watching TV once he had finished his work and eaten most of his kitchen waiting for his mum to come home. They have a nice dinner just the two of them, he makes a stir fry for the both of them; letting his mum relax after her day at work (she had seemed quite stressed when she came in).

What Harry hadn’t expected however, was at about eleven o’clock that night was for his phone to buzz (this in itself wasn’t unusual as he and his friends had a group conversation that was constantly going unless they were all asleep – this very rarely happened), what was unusual however was the fact that it was an unknown number.

_From: Unknown_

_who was it we agreed would make the hottest girl again? Pete or Patrick? Personally I would say Patrick but fuck knows what drunken me came up with!_

The text was followed with the laughing-cry emoji, making Harry laugh. He knew exactly who it was texting him, it had to be Louis, there was no two ways about it, he was sure he had the same conversation with a few people, but the ‘drunken self’ and the fact it was unknown number spoke for itself.

**To: Unknown**

**Well, I agree with you he would make a fantastic girl, but I could swear we finally agreed that it would be Joe; I mean his hair is fantastically girly enough as it is.**

Louis couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the image of Joe dressed as a girl, it was quite hilarious, he decided to keep up with Harry's shenanigans though, arguing back that Pete already wore the eyeliner though. This then of course caused an outburst from Harry, who would defend guy liner to the end of the world.

Hours later, when neither boy had actually realised that it was already nearing two in the morning, and many different conversation paths later, Harry finally plucked up the courage to ask the other boy what he had wanted to ask him the entire time.

**To: Unknown  
**

**this is Louis right? I mean, it would be slightly awkward if it wasn’t and I’m like 99.9999% sure it is, but how in god’s name did you get my phone number?**

_From Unknown  
_ _WHO THE FUCK IS LOUIS ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME YOU BASTARD HOW FUCKING DARE YOU._

Harry laughed so loud he woke his mum up who then proceeded to yell at him to “shut the damn hell up I’m trying to sleep and you should be too”, this of course just made him laugh even more, his mum was sassy when she was tired. Another message followed directly after however confirming that yes, it was in fact Louis he had been texting for over two hours. Harry couldn’t help the way his heart swelled slightly and beat just a little bit faster when the older of the two told him he had gotten his number from Calum because that meant that Louis actually wanted to talk to him, he had gone out of his way to get his number and actually speak to him. Harry knew he was fucked then and there.

 

~*~

 

They have been messaging continuously throughout the week, Harry letting Louis know that he would be attending Zayn’s birthday on Friday night, he claimed to be excited but Louis had his doubts, he over heard Calum with Michael after one of their out of school team practices. Michael had come to pick Calum up and they were having a pretty heated conversation in the parking lot.  Calum was trying to convince Michael to convince Harry to come to the party. Louis couldn’t help himself; he had stayed and listened to the rest of the conversation, of course he couldn’t hear everything being said between them but what he did hear was very confusing and really did cause his heart to sink.

“Look Calum, I know you care about Harry, it’s obvious you do-“

“Of course I fucking do Mike! It’s impossible not to, the boy’s like a fucking delicate flower kitten thing, but he needs to let himself be cared about, Louis is a really great guy, he might not seem like it but you don’t know him like I know him, you don’t know what he’s been through, you don’t realise that he will treat Haz right!” Calum explodes on his boyfriend, they had been going in circles for days now and he was so frustrated,

“Hey! Cal, don’t yell at me! I’ve done nothing wrong. I’m not saying Louis is a bad guy, I don’t think he is at all, he is you’re best friend, which means he is important to me, because you are important to me Cal, I know you wouldn’t be friends with someone who isn’t a good person.” Michael sighs, rubbing one of hands on his cheek, “I just, I don’t think Haz is ready, he so fragile right now, with the stress of exams and just everything, he doesn’t do things like NYE often, of course he wasn’t exactly a blushing virgin but he doesn’t put himself out there, you know that! He wants to meet Lou, he told me they had been messaging and he seems really happy, but I don’t think he is ready for face to face again any time soon. It’s too much for him.”

“Do you know what, I want Harry to be friends with my friends, I want him to be a part of everyone’s life, but if he isn’t willing to take a risk- don’t give me that look I know it’s more complicated than that- but its true, he is never going to survive if he can’t put himself out there!”

“You have no idea how terrifying it is for him cal-“ Michael starts, his cheeks are flushed and he looks quite angry now,

“Yes I do! Of course I do, he isn’t the only person on the planet wit-“

“Shut up Calum, just shut up, you’re being really insensitive and it’s not fair, we can’t pressure him! Do you think I don’t want my friend there with me? You’re friends can be fucking intimidating sometimes! Yeah sure I know them pretty well but this is mixing our lives together Calum, this is it the final step, introducing everyone to everyone, it’s a big deal. Of course I want Harry to be a part of that. I’ve spent the better part of this week trying to persuade him and talk him into coming, but I can’t push him any further than this. NYE was a stretch, we are lucky we got him to come.” Michael sighs into his hands, leaning forward a little, he raises his arms before lowering them again, almost like he was going to embrace Calum but had thought better of it, “I want him to be comfortable and I wish, you have no idea how much I wish it was easy for him, but it’s not and we have to accept that. If Louis is as determined to get him as he says he is; if he cares enough Harry will open up to him eventually. We just have to wait, wait and see who backs out first.”

“Or if anyone backs out at all,” Calum says with a small glare, still defending his best friend, before pulling Michael into a hug.

Louis stops listening and somehow isn’t that surprised when Harry doesn’t show on Friday night.

 

*~**~*

 

About two weeks later January is coming to an end and February is fast approaching, which means it’s only three months until finals, it seems like a long time but really, it's not. Louis’ school had sat their mock exams just before the December holidays had begun, but Harry's school preferred to have them later meaning that they were starting soon, not right after the holidays to give the students some time to speak to their teachers and finalise any last minute problems they were having with the work. 

It was the weekend before Harry’s mocks were due to start and Louis had been begging Harry for weeks to see him outside of FaceTime or Snapchat but Harry had continued to use the excuses of ‘no my mum said no’, ‘I can’t because I need to study for my mocks’, ‘my mum isn’t letting me out until after my mocks’ and whatever other bullshit excuses he could come up with. The truth was however he was just far too nervous and anxious to even contemplating meeting up with Louis.

It had all been going smoothly as well, Harry had been successfully warding off all offers of outings from Louis with the somewhat believable excuses while also somehow managing to ignore the nagging from his friends to grow a pair of fucking balls and see him because ‘it was obvious Louis wanted to get to know him (suggestive winking)’ (he’s not joking – his entire group of friends seems to have mastered the god damn eyebrow wiggle winking thing). That was of course until his mum had walked past his bedroom door at exactly the wrong time, on the wrong day while he was having the wrong conversation.

“c’mon Lou, you know I can’t, my mocks start like next week, I have to study I’ll never be allowed out" Harry mumbles down the phone, he hadn't even bothered to ask his mum just in case she did actually say yes. 

"But Haz-" Louis had started whining back down the phone as he almost always did every time Harry refused one of his offers.

"Harry sweetie, can I come in?" Harry hears his mother’s voice floating from the landing into his bedroom. He panics, knowing she's heard and knowing there is a chance he'll be allowed out, "uh yeah sure mum, hold on a sec Lou my mum wants to talk to me" he says into the phone, hearing Louis say something along the lines of 'maybe she reconsidered' before he pressed his phone against his chest to block out he and his mother’s conversation.

"Harry, you never asked me if you could go out." Louis hears through his phone, it's muffled and he almost doesn't catch it but he does and he can't help the way his heart drops to his stomach and he feels a bit sick, does Harry just not want to hang out with him?

"I didn't think you would say yes and I didn't want to make you mad by asking because I know how much you think about my mocks and stuff," Harry replies, it's a little clearer than what his mum had said through the phone but not by much, clear enough that Louis can hear the guilt dripping off his words.

"Well you can, you've been working so hard and I have faith in you that you are going to do well, just no drinking and don't stay out too late okay?"

"Yeah mum, of course." Harry replies and Louis' heart jumps miles he can't help the excitement he feels instantly yet he also feels kind of guilty, is he pressuring Harry, does the younger boy not want to hang out, and does he really not want to see him?

Harry's mum nods at him and blows him a quick kiss, letting him know dinner will be ready soon so he should get off the phone as quickly as he can before turning and walking out his bedroom, knowingly shutting the door behind her. Harry had taken to blasting 'I Write Sins Not Tragedies' whenever someone left his door open and his family was sick of it.

The younger boy takes a deep breath before lifting the phone to his ear again; plastering a fake smile on his face so hopefully his voice will reflect the fake happiness he is feeling. Of course he wants to hang out with Louis, he truly does, and he just doesn't know if he actually can. He doesn't know of his anxiety will actually let him be a normal human being around the older boy, in fact he is ninety percent sure it won't. He will make a massive fool of himself and he doesn't think he can handle that. Actually, he knows he can't. He cannot deal with embarrassing the living shit out himself in front of the perfect boy who has somehow become so important to him in such a short space of time. He can feel his breathing quicken, coming out in small pants, tears stinging at the corners of his eyes as he panics, the fear and anxiety of fucking up royally becoming too much for him. Of course he then thinks if this is how he is reacting to just thinking about meeting up with Louis how is he going to be when he actually does, and this of course just causes him to panic even more.

His arms go limp and he drops his phone to his bed as a strangled cry escaped his lips, breathing having become a near impossibility in the short time since his mother had left his bedroom. All thoughts of Louis still being on the other side of the line had diminished in his panic, it was only when he reached for his phone again to call one of his friends and he hears Louis repeating his name over and over in a panicked and rushed tone does he realised there is a very good chance Louis heard absolutely everything.

"Harry? Haz? are you okay, talk to me, what's wrong Harry? Hazza? Please talk to me!" The elder sounds almost as panicked as Harry feels and that upsets him, but it also reminds him that right now he cannot be panicking because he has to actually talk to Louis.

He breathes as deeply as he can, and at this point that's not very much, but he manages to calm himself quickly and just enough to reply before Louis starts repeating his questions or his name again: "Lou, yeah, hey I'm sorry about that," he manages to stutter out quietly.

"Harry what happened? Were you just having a panic attack?!" Louis asks, he doesn't consider what he was asking, he didn't register the fact that Harry probably doesn't want to talk about it but he just needs to know. He understands anxiety, he understands what it does to people, and he understands how it affects people and how it changes them. If Harry was just having a panic attack and does have anxiety as Louis is now almost 100% sure he does the whole not-wanting-to-meet-up thing makes a hell of a lot more sense.

“i-I u-uh yeah, um, not quite. I’m sorry Lou.”

And with that, Harry hung up, he hung up the phone, choosing to call Niall (who can calm him down and also give him boy advice and will probably bring Josh (who would possibly bring alcohol) and they are his new favourite couple) immediately after, not looking at his the iMessage that slid down from the top of his phone screen telling him Louis was trying to talk to him. After not even three rings Niall picks up, all Harry's friends knew that if he was phoning them it was important, otherwise he would always just text them.

“Can you come over please Ni? I fucked up so bad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait, i knew it was like the worst time to start posting ever because i just got a new job and university started up again after the holidays and ive been drunk for like two weeks straight and now im very very ill but i promise you, i will get this out there and i wont make you guys suffer
> 
> thats a lie
> 
> if you continue reading this you'll suffer, but i promise to try make it as easy as possible

**Author's Note:**

> I currently don't have a beta for this fic and honestly think that I would really benifit from one. If you're someone who thinks they could motivate me, sit and discuss tiny little plot details that are probably irrelevant but still have to be perfect with me, if you think you'd be able to stick with me through this and support me and be completely and totally honest with me then please you're so welcome to talk to me in the comments (I will always reply to comments). I need someone who will be brutally honest, will tell me what they thing should be different and isn't afraid to tell me when I'm being a twat. 
> 
> Also thank you SO SO much for reading, I hope you enjoy reading this fic as much as I've enjoying treating it like my baby. 
> 
> It is my baby, be kind to it.


End file.
